10 Tips For Successful Divorced Parenting
While divorce can be a traumatic experience for children, research shows that the manner in which the divorce couple parent their children can do much to influence the long term effect that divorce will have on the childrens' lives.
Here are ten tips to lessen the harmful effects of divorce:
Tip 1. Provide stability for the children. If at all possible minimize the disruption to your childrens' routine. For example, if possible, the children should continue to live in the same house and continue to attend the same school. It is also important to ensure that the children maintain their standard of living and the necessary financial arrangements, including the timely payment of adequate child maintenance payments, should be made.
Tip 2. Don't draw your children into your battles. Don't try to draw your children into disputes with your former spouse by asking them to take sides. It might be comforting in the short term to have their support but, in the long term, you will almost certainly damage their relationship with both your former spouse and yourself.
Tip 3. Keep your problems away from the children. It is very important that you do not argue or fight with your former spouse in front of the children. If there long running arguments, or new arguments over things like financial support or visitation, then sort this out when the children are not around.
Tip 4. Don't use your children to carry messages. It's perfectly acceptable to ask your children to pass on 'everyday' messages but don't ask them to pass on messages which could draw them into an argument or dispute between yourself and your former spouse. It's alright to say, 'tell you father that I can take you to your dance class on Saturday if it's difficult for him to get the time off' but don't pass on messages such as 'tell you father that he's a week late his child support payment again'.
Tip 5. Don't use your children to 'spy' for you. You might be dying to know what your former spouse is up to but don't use your children to find out. Avoid 'prying' questions such as 'who is your father dating at the moment?'
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