Divorce And The Needs Of The Children
Divorce is not simply a rollercoaster ride for the parents involved, but is also a traumatic time for their children both parents, whatever their own difficulties with one another, must focus very carefully on the needs of their children.
But just what are these needs?
The need for acceptance
Divorce sees the breakup of the family unit and while this in itself can be very difficult for the children, is often also accompanied by a feeling on the part of the children that they have actually caused the breakup.
It is extremely important therefore to assure the children that this is not their fault. It is also critical to assure them that they still form a vital and central role in the lives of both parents and that, whatever the final outcome of any divorce, their welfare is very much at the top of the priority list.
The need for safety
Divorce and the breakup of the family can also bring with it a feeling of a loss of both safety and security for the children.
To counteract this it is important to try to keep life as normal as possible by maintaining the childrens' routine.
The need for structure
The breakup of the family structure and the departure of one of the parents from the childrens' day-to-day life will often result in the children probing the new structure and, in particular, testing its new boundaries.
As well as maintaining a routine for the children therefore, it is also important to both reward good behavior and to punish bad behavior appropriately. Parents often feel that they should 'cut the children some slack' because of the unusual situation in which the children find themselves. However, children need a structure to their lives and, wherever it is possible, to see that most things have not changed at all.
The need for strong parents
Divorce can put your emotions into a spin and it can be difficult to cope with the trials of daily life. Your children however will look to you to providing stability and strength, especially at times of crisis, and it is important that this is just how you appear to them.
Children will naturally worry about you so, whatever your own feelings, try to keep these away from them and furnish them with an environment in which they can relax.
The need to be kids
All too often divorced parents turn to their children in the absence of a former spouse and it is easy to draw your children into dealing with problems which are essentially adult issues.
You children will grow up all too quickly and be faced with their own problems of adulthood before you know it. For now, however, they need to be allowed to be kids, so deal with your problems yourself and limit the amount of information your children have about what's going on between yourself and your former spouse.
Children's legal right to see both parents after divorce criticised by family...
3 Feb 2012 at 7:33am
Telegraph.co.uk
Children's legal right to see both parents after divorce criticised by family ...
Telegraph.co.uk
Government plans to give new legal right for children to see both parents after a divorce criticised by the family justice tsar David No...
US study: divorce never good for children - The Christian Institute
3 Feb 2012 at 10:10am
The Christian Institute
US study: divorce never good for children
The Christian Institute
Children always suffer from divorce, and the idea of a 'good divorce' is just wishful thinking, according to new research from the US. An analysis of almost 100...
The Kids' Will Be Just Fine And Other Divorce Myths - Huffington Post (blog)
3 Feb 2012 at 11:27am
The Kids' Will Be Just Fine And Other Divorce Myths
Huffington Post (blog)
To the credit of high-profile separating couples, most celebrities (there are a few exceptions) make a deliberate effort to keep their children out of the public eye while th...
Dad's dilemma is with divorce and disclosure - Chicago Tribune
3 Feb 2012 at 5:02am
Dad's dilemma is with divorce and disclosure
Chicago Tribune
Two years ago I caught her having another affair but for family and health reasons I did not divorce her at that time. We put on an act for others, including our two children, so no one kn...
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